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May 23 2018

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rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine

SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.

“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”

“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”

Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.

In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.

Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.

“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”

“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”

Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.

“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”

While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.

“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”

“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.

At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

image

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antichristlesbian:

some moods

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anarchea:

sorry I’m smug but I can’t get over the numbers

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doomy:

doomy:

this is how you get online in the 1800s

May 22 2018

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lazuli43:

paris-is-living:

Paris, France

“Communism, homosexuality and chocolate bread”

Publix censors graduation cake to remove the cum from "Summa Cum Laude"

wilwheaton:

mostlysignssomeportents:

Cara Koscinksi ordered a graduation cake from the John’s Island Publix, requesting the phrase “Congrats Jacob! Summa Cum Laude Class of 2018”. Publix ruined the order by removing “cum”, because “cum” is “profane.”

https://boingboing.net/2018/05/22/publix-censors-graduation-cake.html

facepalm

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freelance-honey-badger:

thatpettyblackgirl:

Overheard in a shop: 

Man: Didn’t want to disturb you when u were on the phone but u are in the US now. Speak English. 

Woman: Excuse me?

Man: If u want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. Here we speak English. 

Woman: I spoke Navajo. If u want to speak English, go back to England.

See what happens when you go out of your way to not mind your business

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thejungleofmufasa:

ieshatacos:

chaotic good

Direct action

onion-souls:

arbor-viridanus:

onion-souls:

Slenderman is a tall good boy and there’s nothing wrong with tormenting and killing amateur filmmakers

What did amateur filmmakers ever do to you

I live in New York City

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rsasai:

enchanted-phoenix:

fatandfabulousmermaid:

vermouthea:

alienroyal:

youjumpijumpp:

thefeatherofhope:

thememacat:

this-is-life-actually:

And two popular brands that promised SPF 50 were actually only SPF 8.

Follow @this-is-life-actually

This could mean the difference between staying healthy and getting cancer for a lot of people. Damn!

This is important for many with autoimmune diseases because most of the medicine - in addition to the diseases themselves- cause severe photosensitivity.

@bits-in-peaces

the trader joes one is only 5.99 also!

why is this not regulated

This is why I stay inside and look as white as a ghost

Really important for those of us who resemble vampires.

I have MS. So, I need my spf. Bathe me in it.

neurodivergent-crow:

sweetschizo:

Can we leave all the “psychiatric medication is bad, evil and unnecessary” discourse in 2017 where it belongs and fucking accept that the brain is an organ that can get sick and need treatment just like any other part of the body?

Yeah I reblogged this 3x in a row. It was on purpose. Fight me.

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

cryoverkiltmilk:

succ-my-pandas-dick:

I love this scene

There is a rollercoaster of emotions on display here.

“I WILL RECLAIM MY SLUT CROWN”

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